“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” - Hebrews 12:1-2
— Hebrews 12:1-2

 

Today I spoke to a group of artists of the next generation.  Students with dreams and gifts and talents.  I told them to fix their eyes on Jesus because He is the one who invites us to the race.  He gives us our running shoes.  I told them to fix their eyes on Jesus because He is the reason for the race. He is the finish line.  And, the race is the reason. It is the reason we live and move and have our being.  It gives us meaning and purpose.  It gives us joy.  I finished by telling them to fix their eyes on Jesus so they might stay in their own lane, running the race uniquely marked out for them.  I told them not to let comparison steal their joy.

But I didn’t listen to my own words.

I walked out full of not-good-enoughs and comparisons.  I walked out wondering and weary.  I walked out with my eyes to the ground, brimming with tears as I let my feelings and insecurities deafen and blind me.

The tears streamed all the way home.  The doubts and questions welled up and straight wore me out.  With a VERY grateful heart I found two of three babies asleep when I arrived home.  I set the Bug up with a movie, placed the other two in their beds and sent myself straight to my pillow.  With thoughts swirling and Strawberry Shortcake solving the world’s problems in the background, I closed my eyes hoping to sleep off the feelings of inadequacy.

But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him, they will be planted like a tree planted by the water that sends out roots by the stream. It does not fear when the heat comes; it’s leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.
— Jeremiah 17:7-8

With a quiet house tonight I am finally quieting my mind.  I am holding fast to these truths.  I pick up the pieces of my shattered confidence and offer them back.  Smashed by my tendencies toward perfectionism and finding my worth in my performance, I pick up each piece and ask for it to be mended.

And His truth begins drown out the lies.  

He who began a good work in me will carry it to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.  Philippians 1:6

Let us hope unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

No, in all things we are more than conquerers through him who loved us. Romans 8:37

And, finally,

NOTHING will be able to separate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38

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